Introducing trips out with small children

I am probably a terrible mother. I don't spend trips out immersing my children in culture, taking our own organic packed lunches and going on nature hikes like I am sure good mothers do. I take them to zoos, aquariums and anywhere else that has a gift shop and a cafe.

We recently took daughter number one on a short holiday to London. This should probably have included a trip to the Houses of Parliament, The Natural History Museum , The National Portrait Gallery and all the other boring places that I'm sure good parents take their children to. We however went to the zoo, aquarium and the Science Museum (mainly due to all the things you get to play with there!)
Husband and I had a wonderful time and occasionally managed to remember that we were there on the pretext on entertaining a small child.

During our visit to the aquarium we had a rather close encounter with a shark in one of the large tanks. It swam right past us and I was in the process of pointing it out to Daughter Number One when I turned to Husband and (quietly I thought) asked "Whats that thing sticking out of its bottom?
Husband "Well its either a penis or an anal fin"
Me "No I think its definitely a penis"
At which point D1 shouts "NO PENIS!" at the top of her voice. I tell you it is very hard to tell a two year old that they shouldn't shout PENIS in public when you are crying with laughter.

Taking the tube around London with a train mad toddler was also lots of fun. D1 was going through a huge train obsession at the time and as anyone who has been to London will know we spent a lot of time hopping on and off of different tubes. D1 would then insist on shouting "ALL ABOARD" and blowing an imaginary whistle every time we got on a different tube.
What people who have been to London will also know is that no-one makes eye contact or talks on the tube. Especially hardened commuters who do it every day. That is unless they have made the unfortunate decision to sit next to Daughter Number One.
Being heavily pregnant with Daughter Number Two at the time and travelling with a small child meant that most of the time people would leap from their seats to let us sit down.
That is how Husband and D1 ended up sitting in a different part of the carriage to me. Next to a very serious looking business man. After looking around to see where I was D1 taps the business man on the knee, points to Husband and says "That's Daddy" points to me across the carriage "That's Mummy" and points to herself and gives him her name. She then looks expectantly at the now totally bemused and very uncomfortable city worker.
"Pleased to meet you" he mumbles awkwardly before rather rapidly alighting at the next stop.
Now if we can just get her into Number 10 perhaps she could lead a getting to know you session for the Coalition....